Who doesn’t love roses: bitching

Showing posts with label bitching. Show all posts

Showing posts with label bitching. Show all posts

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Gender, Gender, Everywhere

Does anyone else out there ever get tired of talking about gender? I'm experiencing feminist fatigue, it's sort of like chronic fatigue, only caused by having to explain basic concepts of how to treat women like people to someone over and over again.

Right now I have an especially bad case because our roommate, lets call him Viking Boy, is strangely obsessed with gender, as if women were some sort of strange aliens. He will regularly say things like "This is man food!" or "I don't want any of that girlie salad!" with little or no irony. So I feel the need to try to explain to him that everyday activities like eating or (last night) pumpkin carving are not particularly gendered.

I attended a pumpkin carving party last night and carved a very scary bat into my pumpkin.

Then again, I feel obligated to point out to other men that gender might be affecting how people interact with them. For example, the professor and two other TAs I'm working with this quarter are all men. I get 6-12 people showing up for my office hour each week and they get 1-2. Now there might be other factors involved like the fact that I chose a time the middle of a Thursday afternoon or that I have emphasized repeatedly to my students that they should ask for help. But considering that I get some of their students too and that another grad student (also a woman) has been helping another female student from the class with her homework, I think there is a good chance that gender might be influencing who students ask for help.

So now I'm wondering if there might be a link between men who can't seem to notice when the dishes need doing and men who can't seem to notice how gender influences their lives?

Would it help if they read Finally, A Feminism 101 Blog?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

PhD requirements

I am very grumpy after my "entry evaluation" with the faculty graduate adviser of my new program. Despite having something more than 72 credits of courses through my program at BA U, it looks like I will have to retake many classes. The problem is that most of my classes at BA U, weren't officially listed in "head studies". That's because there was no department of "head studies" so now they want me to take five out of seven breath requirement courses as well as the language requirement. Seriously, it's like my MA doesn't count at all. Arg. I thought I had researched this.

Problem #1: They might be right. My transcripts look horrible, they are filled with independent studies and group studies, courses that don't say anything on them. So it might be better for me to have a transcript that looked like I went through an actual program.

Problem #2: I will likely be very bored sitting through all these requirements and I don't tend to focus well when I'm bored.

Problem #3: This will slow down my time to degree and I have already spent waaaayyy too much time in grad school.

ARG!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I'm Alive!

In case anyone was wondering, I am still alive. I haven't felt much like posting since I spent most of the last six months doing web design for the office I work for on campus. This summer was my break from academia and with it a break from my reflections on the academic life. I have been considering the future of this blog, as I'm now a wordpress expert and not sure I want to stay with blogger. Any thoughts my webby friends? I think my blog could have a much nicer look and be more usable if I moved it to wordpress. Actually, I don't think I would move it so much as start a new blog there and link to it from here. Make sense?

In other news- We are all settled in our new home in Crunchy Town. At least all of our stuff is moved and the piles of boxes have been whittled down a little. I'm going stir crazy here with Beorn and our new roommate, Beorn's buddy and best man, who I will call the Viking Boy. Neither Beorn nor the Viking Boy have jobs here yet, so they just hang around the house watching sci-fi. Orientation for Crunchy U. doesn't start until next week and our bank account is down to its last $40, so I'm pretty much stuck in the house as well. Viking Boy will be stay with us for a few months at least, maybe longer if he can find work. Luckily we have gone from paying $790 for a one bedroom apartment, to $775 for a three bedroom townhouse. Too bad my TA salary will also be smaller. The point is, all geek boys all the time is driving me a little insane.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Web Misogyny

I'm sure that this-Men who hate women on the Web | Salon- is old news to most of you, but I just wanted to point out that misogyny directed at female writers on the web isn't what we should be focusing on. These incidents are just the tip of the f*cking iceberg when it comes to hatred of and violence against women in this country. True, these guys on the web feel free to say whatever crap comes into their heads because they can hide, but that is what is allowing us to see a bit of what is going on in their f*cked up minds.

On the other side, I am so frustrated that intelligent, successful women like Joan Walsh are still questioning whether or not they should respond or get upset when this kind of crap happens. These guys aren't going to stop just because we ignore them. This country needs to face up to the problem instead of hiding or minimizing it.

I Have Attained Mastery!

Of what? I'm not sure, but my thesis is signed and submitted! Yay! I don't think it has quite sunk in yet. Now Beorn just has to finish his finals and we will both be graduated and ready to move on. Beorn will be out of town for most of the summer at "field school." I will be sharing a house with some other women and their pets. It will be an adventure. In September Beorn and I will head off to Crunchy U. I still won't be posting here much for the next week because Beorn is leaving tomorrow and most of our apartment still isn't packed. He will be back next weekend for graduation and we will move the furniture then. Yuck! I hate moving.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Ack! When "Issues" Attack!

This whole thesis process is driving me insane. To clarify, my program doesn't require a "defense," my committee just has to sign the damn thing. After my adviser having read and reviewed it, in sections, I gave the full draft to the two other committee members. Requesting that they give me feedback within two weeks. I would have liked to get the three of them together in a way, it would have meant that I had one dose of feedback and then could have revised. My adviser said they should send her their comments. Committee member number one is on sabbatical, so I had to mail him a copy. He read it the day he received it and requested a meeting with me. The meeting was somewhat painful since he pointed out many of the same problems that I see in the project and my writing of it. Unfortunately, I can't write what I would like to because it would be a serious critique of my adviser's work. Committee member number two is also my current boss on campus. I don't see him often because he is only in the office 1-2 days a week, but I'm now convinced, since it's been two weeks and I haven't gotten is comments, that he must not want to talk to me about it because it's so bad. (See, I have "issues.")

The thing is I know it's crap, but I promised my adviser that I would write something in exchange for her employment of me as a research assistant for a year. I have tried to gently point out to her the problems with this project. She isn't interested in hearing about it. My committee members are two of the smartest and most senior professors on campus. I'm sure the problems with the project and the things I'm not saying are obvious to them. I just want to get out of here and move on, preferably without having to burn bridges with anyone.

If I ever get the signatures from everyone, my second problem will be the fact that my adviser wants to publish an article from my thesis. We had talked about this, back before I understood the depth of the problem. I really, really don't want to have to tell her that I don't think this is publishable, but I also don't want to have my first publication be something I'm so embarrassed about.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Privilege is difficult to see, especially when you have it.

Check out this post from YoungFemaleScientist: Insidious, hard to quantify, Gender Discrimination. (It's long.)

I don't know why we keep expecting men to get it. Seriously, it's rare for a white man in a position of power, even those who are supposedly enlightened to get their privilege. It does happen, for example, my current boss is an awesome mentor to graduate students of all genders, races, and so on, but it's rare. In some sense I don't blame them, privilege is difficult to see. As a white woman I rarely notice my white privilege, except when a person of color talks about their experiences of discrimination.

It really isn't that mysterious. Imagine older, male mentor and young, somewhat geeky, but still "nubile"(I hate that word) female grad student working long hours together in the lab or slaving over ancient tombs. If this was a movie, what happens next? William Deresiewicz knows.

If you were an older male professor faced with uncomfortably attractive young grad students, what would your reaction be? Make sure the office door stays open. Whatever you do, don't go out to drinks after work. Keep things professional. Would the same be true with your male grad students?

I know, I'm being hetero-normative, but it's not a question of actual impropriety, it's just appearances. The point is the privilege is invisible. You are a male grad student and you "hang out" with your adviser. Your adviser thinks of you as a younger version of himself, people who are different, who think differently make him uncomfortable. Most likely he doesn't realize this. He can't help his feelings, but they affect his attitude towards his students, how much time he spends with them, how enthusiastic he is.

I happens, even when there is no conscious intention to discriminate. Networking opportunities become limited. Older faculty are uncomfortable. Young men and women don't see what's going wrong.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

More on Great White North U.

I talked on the phone the other night with my potential adviser at Great White North. I really like her. I wish it wasn't so intimidating for Beorn and I to move out of the country because I have a feeling that she would be a great adviser. JustMe makes a good point about the risk of going out of the country in terms of funding. GWN has offered me good funding for the entire degree, more years than I want the PhD to take me, but being married complicates things. It might take a while for us to establish residency and until then Beorn couldn't work. He didn't apply to any schools near there, so he would have to reapply and get funding because we certainly couldn't afford international student fees without help. Either way his future there would be very shaky.

At least I'm not facing having to return to my home country for 3+ years without my spouse. A friend of a friend here at BAU has to leave the country once he finishes his PhD. If he was straight he could just marry his long time partner and stay, but instead they face years of separation. This is why gay marriage is an important issue. Marriage is making legal in the eyes of the state your status as a family. It gives important legal rights. Separating voluntarily to pursue career opportunities is difficult enough, imagine having no choice. Being deported.

Maybe I'm feeling a little dramatic tonight because I just listened to This American Life. The latest episode includes a segment on the bug adminstration deporting widows because their spouses died before they could have an interview with immigration. That is the kind of crap that makes me want to leave the country.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The gentle art of letter writing

On the grad school application front, I have now heard back from two universities besides Visitation U. "Great White North U." has made me a very nice offer, which would most likely involve Beorn and I applying for permanent resident status. Their program is excellent, but I'm not sure it's realistic for us to move to such an expensive city and try to emmigrate and all.

On the other hand, one of the top rated programs in the U.S. sent me a rather strange acceptance letter. It went something like this...

Dear Breena,

Thank you for your application to the graduate program of the "Head Studies" Department at "Top State". You are in the top third of the application pool. As a result, we are recommending to the Graduate School that you be admitted to the program. Congratulations! The fact that we let you in means you must have had a good application.

Although admission is good news, we haven't worked out a financial aid package for you. Although we have already made some TA and RA offers, it is unclear how many more admission-with-aid packages will be available. You are among a group of 20 students who didn't quite make the cut. In the next two or three weeks, I hope to contact you to make you the offer that you are undoubtedly waiting for!

We know you may have had good offers from "lesser" programs, but if you have independent funds to support tuition and living expenses, you are welcome to consider coming anyway. There is some chance that over the summer – or in subsequent semesters – we will be able to find an assistantship for you. But as of now, it is a case of wait-and-see. Thank you for your interest in "Top State".
Sincerely

Dr. So-and-so
Chair, Graduate Admissions Committee

Jane Doe
Graduate Assistant

I modified the wording of the letter somewhat to protect the not-so-innocent, but not much. The tone is fairly true to the original. Notice that while the letter is officially signed my Dr. So-and-so, it was sent from the account of his graduate assistant. This letter has to be the worst acceptance letter of all time. It does not make me want to join their program, no matter how highly rated. In fact, I would like to email the chair and gently mention that I found the letter off-putting. Seriously, someone should learn how to write an acceptance letter. I know it isn't a good idea to go telling tenured professors in my discipline how to do their jobs, but really, I could write a much better letter than that.

More realistically, I would like to write them and let them know that I have firm offers from other places and if they would like me to consider their program, they should up their game, but I'm almost certain that email would come out sarcastic. In any case, I think I should contact Dr. So-and-so directly rather than his staff person. To me it seems very rude for him to not take the time to write himself, at least for the first contact. It would only take a few minutes to cut and paste the letters. And twenty students on the waiting list? Frak, how many students did the let in?

Any suggestions?

It's time to hate being a TA

Almost any term, there is a day, a moment maybe, in which I lose the will to go on working. I think the moment has arrived. Beorn's birth-daughter has been visiting all weekend, Saturday was a friend's 50th birthday party, and the grading load has been ridiculous. Last Thursday I gave a mini-lecture in the class I'm TAing and then Friday a presentation to faculty on how I use technology in the classes I TA.

Most days I like being a TA. I usually like the professors I work with. Often though, I'm frustrated with instructors that don't talk to their TAs about plans for the class or let us look over the assignment prompts before they hand them out.

I'm so tired of grading at this point it's not funny. Yesterday I read 20+ essays. I should read another 20+ tonight. By Saturday night I need to grade another 50+ take-home essay exams. The grading load for this course has been insane. Bleck!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Graduate school plans, a review

The process of transitioning from a master's program to a PhD program has been a bumpy one for me. Officially, I'm listed as a PhD student here at B.A.U. despite the fact that my master's thesis is not complete. At this point I have completed more than enough credits to be done with classes and preparing for my qualifying exams. My thesis has been lagging for a number of reasons. (I'm trying to convince myself that this isn't a sign of my lack of suitability for an academic career.)

1. Last year I agreed to work with my adviser on a long term project and take part of the analysis to create my thesis. This cause no end of trouble because (I later found out that) we fundamentally disagree about what kind of analysis should be done with that data. Then the data collection process wasn't very successful.

2. I have had all sorts of bad luck and family issues in the last two years: a broken foot, relatives in need of care, a stolen car, my grandfather dying, Beorn's cat disappearing.
There has been some confusion about what discipline I want to be in and what degrees was pursuing. This was my fault. When I started, I thought I would pursue a dual degree in "hairdressing" and "head studies" because there are jobs for "hairdressers" outside of academia, which would have taken me 31/2-4 years, so really I'm exactly on schedule. (Right, right?) I always felt that I ultimately wanted to teach and so might want to pursue a PhD, but I didn't communicate that very clearly to either my professors or friends and family outside of academia. I think Beorn understood, but other people not so much.

Last year, when it became clear that my Adviser and I weren't meshing, I started thinking about who I might get to advise me on a PhD project. I met with professors from all over the campus looking for a good match, but while several people were encouraging about my project ideas, none of them seemed appropriate considering my degree will be in "head studies" and none of them come from closely related disciplines, so Beorn and I started thinking about applying to other grad schools.

I could stay at B.A.U. because things seem to be looking up for the "head studies" program here. Its interesting how many people seem threatened or upset by my choosing to leave. Friends from my cohort make pressuring comments, despite the fact that I rarely see them, and they know I have good reasons for leaving. Professors here keep emphasizing how great other professors here are (I think will little actual knowledge of the person in question.) Friends and family outside of academia mainly seem puzzled. They think I should be done already and start making money. They are probably right in one sense. Pursuing a PhD doesn't make much sense financially, but I'm surprised, because these are people who didn't choose their careers/jobs for their money making potential.

I understand not wanting a friend to move away, particularly one who you see frequently, but I have a feeling that many people just aren't comfortable with my decision. Either they don't see the value in pursuing an academic career or they are uncomfortable with my dissatisfaction with the current program. In my mind, if I'm going to pursue an academic career, I need to pursue it full force, not settle for a program that doesn't suit me.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Why Blog?

Lately I have been considering this blog. Sometimes I think my tone is too negative and I spend too much time complaining about grad school. Of course, this psychologist, supports me in my enjoyment of whining. I love her.

Despite her recommendations, I have decided that the problem with this blog is that I don't let enough aspects of my personality out. I'm completely ADD in terms of my interests and this causes me some anxiety. I feel pressure to focus. Articles about how to write a successful blog always recommend focusing your blog on a particular topic and thinking about your audience and what they are interested in.

Instead, I have decided to blog about as many different topics as possible, which is fine because I'm not interested in attracting a large audience. In fact, this week I discovered that I can't keep up with reading all the new academic blogs out there. My bloglines is overflowing with them, as evidenced my blogroll.

Let the randomness commence! (Wait, this might be an early New Year's resolution.)

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Did you know?

Beorn and I have given up watching broadcast (or cable) TV. We pay far too much for internet now, as we had to get satellite internet at my grandmother's house and are locked into an 18 month contract. Luckily, many interesting programs are available on the internet. I watch the videos at home, but apparently it's common for people to watch them at work, because CBS's video player has a "BOSS Button." Press it, and a fake email pops up to hide the video.

There are also some weird differences between the players for different networks. CBS's seems buggy and keeps playing the same commercials over and over or suddenly going blank. ABC's works find for me, but you have to click every time the commercial ends, which is annoying. How am I suppose to get my CSI fix???

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

One Day Until Thanksgiving...

Beorn and I went out to lunch at an Afgani buffet. As we walked back into our little cottage we discussed the fact that we are expecting a call from my father. After all the drama over the summer with my family Beorn and I agreed not to spend the holidays we them. My father never tells me the family plans until a day before the event. We already made plans to have Thanksgiving with another couple and Ian's best friend. So I wasn't surprised to find a message on my cell phone from my father. He called while we were out. He's feeling really bad if he didn't tell me about the Thanksgiving plans, of course he can't remember. He wants us to come to dinner at my grandmother's house. My uncle is cooking. The uncle who threatened to kill my father. The uncle who threated to call the cops on us or to sue us. The uncle who called us "welfare cases." Guess what? I'm not interested in breaking bread with him. My father seems to think it's OK for my uncle to behave that way. My uncle has my phone number, if he wants me to come to dinner he can damn well call me and apologize. I can't believe my father thinks I would be willing to sit down to dinner with my uncle. If I was at all important to my father I think I would rate more than a last minute call attempting to guilt trip me into spending Thanksgiving with them.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Feeling Betrayed

I really, really, really want to write about the politics at Big Ag U and my feelings around of betrayal and frustration around academia in general. I'm not sure I can do this without revealing more about myself and the U. than would be wise. One thing I'm trying to learn as a grad student is how to practice restraint, but I haven't quite got the hang of it yet.

Since starting at Big Ag U I have experienced a number of incidences in which faculty members have said one thing, and done another. (I know, surprise, surprise.) Some of these have been small, like not getting papers returned to the class on time. No big deal, things like this happen, who adheres to strict deadlines these days? Others have been not so small...

Last week a key faculty member in my graduate program announced his retirement effective Jan 1. This person will be leaving several courses untaught because of his sudden departure. When I heard this I assumed that someone must be sick, that there was some unexpected event that precipitated this, but he claims not, that he had received offers for more interesting work elsewhere. This is a full professor who directly stated to his department last year that he had no plans to retire.

In light of earlier betrayals by other faculty members in that department I'm starting to wonder if the majority of faculty at Big Ag. U are so two-faced or if it is something particular to that department. I really try to understand how to deal with politically charged situations, but there is some part of me that just has trouble with people who don't tell the truth. Just be honest.

I'm frustrated because it seems everywhere I turn someone is being dishonest or not following through on their commitments. I just don't understand why people can just say what they mean. So here are somethings I would like to say to folks...

Coworker in a related department: If you aren't going to answer my repeated emails, phone calls, and other requests for a meeting just tell me that. No problem, I can then go back to my supervisors and let them know that your department doesn't want help on that project.

Adviser:
1. Last winter I explained to you very clearly who I was working with and that we were going to try to get some more data from folks in Midsized City using your research protocol. Why did you act surprised when the people that organization called you? You told me that you were fine with my plan. I stated several times and in writing what I was doing.

2. After all that why did you then go back to my research site and begin using it as a site for one of your class projects while excluding me from any involvement? Didn't you know I had been working all year to build a relationship with that organization? Didn't I explain to you that I was trying to develop trust between myself and the organization? Why not include me so that I could continue to work with them after your class had gone?

Big Shot Professor: Why did you claim that I could complete a dual degree with your department and then fail to do anything to support me when, after several years of work, the U. claimed I couldn't?

Literature Professor: Why bother conducting an independent study if you aren't going to actually read or comment on student work? When I wrote you several months later to request comments on my paper because I was considering submitting it to a special issue of a journal why not write and say "Sorry I don't have time right now?" rather than promising to look at it? Stating "I'm sure its great" does not inspire confidence.

Grad Student Coworker: Why do you say you are frustrated and confused by the data coding when we talk privately, but then turn around and claim that everything is great when discussing it with Adviser? I know you are angry at me because my desire to get some research done made it clear that almost nothing had been accomplished in almost a year of "work." I wasn't trying to ruin your gravy-train, I just need to write my thesis and couldn't do that when Adviser thought that all the work had already been done. I can't write up research I know to be based on incomplete data entry and sloppy, unclear coding.

Sorry, I had to rant. I could go on, but those are the big ones. Although I have met some great people in academia and learned some interesting things, I'm starting to believe the the system rewards people for being co-dependent, narcissistic backstabbers and that all others are the exception to the rule. Seriously, I'm trying to have compassion for these people, but at the moment, I'm failing. I don't see the harm in being truthful. You aren't sparing my feelings when you lie to me, you are just lying. I don't mind hearing NO. Really. Just say it and I will move on.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Arg, the drama continues...

So the place we are suppose to move into isn't ready. The folks who run this place are very informal, so they just said "plan on this weekend." Well the guy who is vacating the place hasn't moved out. I seriously doubt he will be able to move and they will be able to clean by this weekend. Classes start tomorrow at the Big Ag. U.

In other news I desperately need my thesis to be completed so that I can apply to PhD programs in far away places, but I don't feel in I'm in a good state of mind to be working on it while everything is so up in the air. I'm so frustrated.

I have been pouring over the websites of other programs, looking for likely advisors and comparing program stats.

My case of impostor syndrome has never been worse. It sounds strange, but I haven't experienced feeling this way often in my grad classes here, but now that I'm applying to "real" programs, I'm super conscious of the ways my record doesn't measure up to a stellar performance.

Things I need to do in October...
Take the GRE (again.)
Contact possible advisers and suck up.
Make serious progress on my thesis.
Get some actual work done at my job.

None of these things feel possible if we don't move soon. I know there is nothing really stopping me from doing these things...I mean life goes on, even when your relatives are crazy. It's just that its difficult for me to concentrate on intellectual work when my living situation feels icky and unsafe. Writing, to me, feels like an art. I don't think people make good art when they are in distress, although sometimes artists make good art about their distress. Currently my thesis work is set up on my home computer, but I'm considering taking the file back to the slow computer in my adviser's research office. It would be slow and frustrating, but I would feel less anxious.

The point is that my "generalized anxiety" symptoms, which I had mostly under control are back with a vengeance. I have trouble sleeping, my stomach hurts, I'm restless and always in search of activity, but not able to produce anything useful. Through therapy I have learned that I have to give myself a break when this happens, do things to relax and decompress. The problem is that when I feel so uncomfortable in my living situation its difficult to decompress. My uncle hasn't been around in a while, so the problem is mostly in my head. I'm anticipating the next bit of drama and can't relax because I know it could happen at any moment.

I'm driving Beorn crazy because he doesn't see what the big deal is. Intellectually I know things could be a lot worse, but emotionally I'm a wreck. Frankly, I don't know how grad students who are short of money live on ramen for weeks, that would drive my bonkers. The point is I know my problems aren't that big in the scheme of things, but they are big for me, for my life and I want them fixed.

Now! Now ! Now! (stomps feet)

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Puppy Update

Thanks again for all the great advice. Beorn and I have agreed that we will probably have to move since my uncle is scary. We can't risk the puppies "disappearing" since it would provoke him. None of his brothers (including my father) are willing (or able) to stand up to him. My father, as executor is responsible for her wellbeing, so he will have to figure out another way to make sure she is taken care of. It's going to be a big financial strain on Beorn and I, but my mental health is important. I haven't been sleeping well since the puppy drama came to a head. Last night my father and uncle got into it over the phone. Then my uncle called back and I (stupidly) answered the phone. He proceeded to tell me that Beorn and I were selfish "takers" and "welfare cases." Then he showed up out here at Grandma's house again, so when Beorn informed me of this I told him to stay in the attic. I don't know my uncle's opinions on gun control, but I'm not risking it. If I could just get my damn thesis written...

Monday, September 03, 2007

Puppy Dilemma

Today the puppies arrived along with my uncle, his wife and daughter, and my other uncle. When we explained that no one had asked us if we were willing to care for puppies, my uncle started yelling and threatening to call the police. I told him it was fine with me if he wanted to call the cops, but we weren't going to be taking care of puppies. My second uncle stepped in and tried to say it wouldn't be so bad to care for them and that it's grandma's house, she has a right to get them if she wants. At that point Beorn and I decided to get out of the house and went to dinner.

The problem is, Grandma has the mind of a two year old. She regularly pees her pants and doesn't have the sense to change them afterwards. She would eat herself into a diabetic coma if we let her. There is no way that she can take care of those puppies. They just aren't appropriate for her.

Jack Russell Terriers are fox hunting dogs. They are extremely smart and energetic and so go crazy with boredom if they aren't given enough exercise. Here are some quotes off the web:

"Jack Russell Terriers can be difficult to deal with because they are true hunting dogs. They should be kept on leash when in rural/country areas, because if they take off after a ground squirrel or other quarry, they will not hesitate to dig and go underground. Terriers have been known to stay underground with their quarry for days, with no food or water."

"The majority of dogs (in Russell Rescue) are unwanted simply for being Jack Russells by nature and behavior," according to a pamphlet provided by the group. "Owners often find that they were unprepared for the care required for this feisty terrier and did not understand the nature of the breed and their instinctive desire to hunt."

"Like most terriers, the Jack Russell is a digger and a barker; if not given enough opportunity to indulge these inclinations outside, he may dig holes in the furniture and bark at everything that moves."

"Jack Russells who are not trained on a consistent basis, or are not exercised regularly, may occasionally exhibit aggressive or unmanageable behaviour, including excessive barking, escaping from the yard, or digging in unwanted places inside and outside the house. In America, several Jack Russell rescue networks have to work constantly to find temporary and permanent homes for JRTs whose owners could not meet these requirements for keeping JRTs as house pets."

We told my uncle that we weren't going to be caring for the puppies, but they left them here anyway, so the question is now what do we do? I don't think it's fair to the dogs to simply leave them here and not take care of them, but I don't want my uncle to think he can get away with that kind of crap. Options I have thought of so far...

1. Beorn and I find a new place to live and move out.
2. We inform my relatives that they are going to have to find someone else to care for the puppies, particularly on the weekends when we are the only ones here to watch grandma. If they don't take care of it we find the puppies a new home.
3. We let the puppies remain here, but make sure they stay in the dog run and have food and water.
4. We find the puppies a new home, and then when someone asks what happened to them we say, "we have no idea, they must have run away."

If the puppies stay here the best case scenario is that they grow up to be annoying, untrained brats, more likely in my estimation is that they run away or get run over. Just to be clear, there is no fence around the property and cars regularly speed down the road at 70+ mph.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Why I can't seem to get back into blogging

So this morning I was trying to work from home, to do some analysis for my thesis. I woke up super groggy and couldn't seem to snap out of it. I suspect this has to do with air quality. Between the fires, the smog, and the agriculture outdoor air quality around here isn't too great. Additionally I'm living in an attic with carpeting that is about as old as I am and a bathroom full of mold damage. I have always had trouble with moldy rooms, although it doesn't seem to be too bad right now, maybe because it's so dry here, so the mold isn't actively growing.

I got some coffee and breakfast, started some laundry, and then proceeded to procrastinate for a while. I was excited to discover that the new calendar for Thunderbird will sync with Google calendar, so I set that up. Then I searched around for a way to sync my Palm with Google calendar as well. I decided to go downstairs to get my palm, so I could try to get it to work.

What did I discover when I got downstairs? My uncle, talking excitedly about taking my grandmother to get some puppies. Specifically, he found some Jack Russell Terrier puppies, which is what my grandmother said she wanted after the funeral. The thing is everyone has warned us that Jack Russells are very hyperactive and will turn into monsters if not properly entertained and trained. We told my uncle this, but he doesn't seem to care.

My grandmother talked about getting puppies in the days right after my grandfather died, but she hasn't mentioned it since. She can't take care of herself, so there is no way that she can take care of puppies. My uncle doesn't think to ask us if we want to take care of puppies. Also, we don't really know what is going to happen in the near future, if the dementia gets worse she may end up in assisted living. What will happen to the dogs then?

I don't think a normal person would get someone else's child a puppy without talking to the parents first. Well in this situation I think he should be talking to Grandma's caregivers before announcing that he is getting her a pet. It won't do any good to talk to him about it though, he has the emotional maturity of a small child, so it will just result in a tantrum, which is rather scary when it's coming from a six foot tall, fifty year old man.

So now I'm simultaneously angry and anxious. There is no way I'm going to be able to concentrate on work this morning.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Sorry for the long interlude

My blog suddenly went silent.

Things got away from me and my normal routine has still not fully returned. So here are a few important details from the last month or so.

1. My grandfather died.
2. This caused great turmoil in my family.
3. The same week we were scheduled to move out of our apartment.
4. Then we stayed at my father's house for a while because my grandmother's attic was still filthy and full of trash.
5. We got it mostly cleaned up and most of the junk moved out.
6. Now we are helping to care for my grandmother who has dementia.
7. The attic where we are living still needs a lot of work.
8. I'm frustrated that I can't be in control of the manner and speed of the repairs.
9. I still don't feel much like blogging.

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