Tuesday, June 12, 2007

More Family Drama

So my father has proposed that Beorn and I move in to my grandparent's house for a while to help care for my grandmother. This will most likely be the source of much drama. My grandparents already have a caregiver living with them during the week, but my dad and my uncles are supposed to be caring for them on the weekends. This doesn't work very well because my grandmother forgets to take her medications, which she needs to do four times a day. Also, she's diabetic, so she needs have someone monitor her blood sugar and make sure she eats. She's having mild dementia so she need someone there all the time. My grandfather must have been helping to keep track of her, but now he is in the hospital.

I'm worried about him because he survived the surgery, but doesn't seem to be getting better. His breathing is very labored and his blood pressure is very low. He isn't strong enough to even move around in bed much. I had to help him to call the nurse because he couldn't find the button in the tangle of tubes and monitors. Hopefully he will be going to a rehab facility soon. If he doesn't get better there is a possibility that he would come home for the family to care for as long as he lasts.

For me, the sad situation for my grandparents isn't the biggest issue. I feel strangely able to deal with my sadness and their sadness. It's my father and uncles' inability to deal with their emotions. Any negative emotions on their parts are channeled into anger and yelling. I have trouble dealing with it, which is why I have tried to avoid major entanglements with the extended family until now.

The smart thing to do would be not to get involved, but since Beorn and I are home all the time anyway, if we lived there we could be a big help. Also my grandmother doesn't eat unless she likes what she is given and Beorn and I are both good cooks. I can't help but think of all the times when I was little that my grandmother took care of me, especially when I was sick.


Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

If you two can swing it, moving may be a good idea.

The thing is, you do need to make a deal with your father and uncles about your level of control vs. theirs... I feel big trouble brewing if you are living there and more or less are acting as live-in servants your father and uncles think they can/should/must order around. You need to made decisions concerning your grandparents care and have them support you. You are doing this for your grandparents, not for your father and uncles -- they are big boys who can take care of themselves.

Leslie M-B said...


You're such a terrific human being. Seriously.

Breena Ronan said...

Oh, that is a good point. Mostly I think my family won't be around that much, but we did write out an "agreement" which outlines what Beorn and I will be doing. Mainly I'm worried about my one uncle who is very emotionally damaged and so yells and bullies to get his way. We have agreed to try this for three months to see how it goes.

Anonymous said...

i know this is really hard, but lots of props to you for trying. you are a great person!